I've had a lot of time the last little bit to be alone with my thoughts. It's really challenged me in what I believe and what my hopes and dreams are. I'm realizing a lot of the areas where I lie to myself, or where I struggle, or the areas that I really think I'm firm in.
One thing I really struggle with is putting my entire life in God's hands. There is so much that I want with my life and so much that I want to accomplish as a person. Sometimes I feel like my life right now so limits me from being able to do all those things I want to do. Things like volunteer at the old folks home, visit with them. Hear their stories. Or things like being a mom. I want so badly to be a mom. But obviously it's not the right time, as God has not put a man in my life. Sometimes I really struggle with this situation. I want to have a husband, children, and I want to be able to not work, or if i work, only part time. I want to have time for my children, time for the people around me whom I love the most. I know that God has a plan and I know he knows the desires of my heart, but sometimes I wonder. Where am I in all this?? What about the things I want?? We are such a selfish people!!!
I've realized that my impatience stems from my desire to want things and want them now, and usually being able to satisfy that desire almost immediately. It's sad really... that our culture has lost the ability to wait. We want everything and we want it now, we have a really hard time working towards goals or waiting on things to happen.
My other struggle with my impatience is that I know God doesn't call us to be an inactive people, he calls us to be active, to be working towards our goals and desires. I guess it's just a hard concept for me to grasp. This waiting, yet working towards our goals. I'm not sure how I would do that in my situation.
2 comments:
You said:
"I've realized that my impatience stems from my desire ... and usually being able to satisfy that desire almost immediately. It's sad really... that our culture has lost the ability to wait."
I've been trying to figure out, for the last couple of years, what this desire thing is all about. God must have intended for it to happen, because it's a defining attribute of our relationship with everything--for the most part, we are separated, alone, individual.
It's that separation, that desire to be connected in a way that we aren't (and maybe can't be) that pushes us to do things. You're right that we get what we want too easily; but I often wonder if there's more to it than that. Maybe we aren't "getting what we want" at all, and the satiation of a Saturday shopping trip is just what we use to dull the deeper, stronger desires that frustrate us, that we don't understand or even recognize.
So, yes! Keep up the good work, and stay strong in patience, but also stay strong in desire: desire more and more every day, and never forget what it is that you desire, no matter how frustrating or silly or hopeless it seems. Always remember that God feels the same kind of desire for you, and that it's the moments of connection that make the world such a wonderful place.
(That's how I see it, anyway.)
Thanks for this dan!
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