I've been thinking about my life a lot lately. And I'm so thankful, yet still searching for something more. Maybe that's how life is meant to be. We are supposed to be thankful for what we have, who we have, and how we have it, but also we are to always be searching for more.

The question is: More of what? I've been thinking about that lately. What is it that my life is missing? What is it that I am to be searching for? I have a great job that I love SO much. I have wonderful friends and family. What more could a girl ask for? What is missing that I yearn for?

Is it the thrill of having a booming social life that I'm missing? Is it the thrill of having a romantic relationship that I'm missing? Is it the freedom to have complete and utter aloneness in my own space?? I don't think it's any of these things, I think what I'm missing is something that only I can create for myself. It's not just thankfulness for what I do have, but appreciation, confidence, and the ability to look at life and see the potential even though you feel like your life is in a total rut. It's the ability to look past the current issue and see God's plan in the whole thing. What am I learning through this time of stability in my life?

Maybe God is teaching me patience, maybe he's teaching me that I need to take time for the things that I don't always make time for.

I'm so looking forward to this summer off, I will have time to visit all the people I want to see, I will be able to be outside; gardening, horseback riding, walking, etc... Yet, I've had a day off and I just couldn't not be around people, I couldn't sit at home by myself, it almost drove me crazy. I think I need to learn to be with myself, something that I have been unable to do as of late. For when I am with myself all I think about is the things that I don't have, rather than being thankful and appreciative of all I do have.

Things like a roof over my head, parents who love me, friends who I wouldn't trade for the world, family who loves me despite my downfalls, and a wonderful wonderful job. I should be happy about these things rather than sitting and feeling depressed because I am 22 and live with my parents, or because half of my friends are married and I'm single without even a prospect. I need to look at life in a more positive sense, being happy and content with what God has given me, I need to enjoy my time alone without people, because the truth is, even though that alone time can be pretty scary at times, it's also the time where you make the biggest decisions of your life.