Change

I don't deal well with change. Actually, most of my life has been a steady stream of big changes. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time with even the littlest of changes - that is unless I'm the one making the changes. Looking back through my life - the past 25 years - there have been a lot of big changes that I've always managed to adjust to, so why is it that now, it is so difficult for me to adjust?

I just feel like things aren't balanced. And maybe in my life they aren't. Maybe I'm not depending on God enough, and that's why I feel this hesitancy towards any changes in my life. I've never been like that. I've always been the girl who makes up her mind one day - completely out of the blue I might add - and then I do it: Whatever it is I want to do. Maybe I've lost that dreaming ability. I feel like I'm in a waiting period, and like it's never gonna end. I've never been a patient person, probably because my life has always been changing changing changing. Maybe that's why I don't like when other people make changes in their lives that affect me.... because I'm not making enough BIG changes in my life - so I want everyone else to play this waiting game with me too.

I'm not sure what those changes need to be at this moment in time, but I think I can come up with a few small changes that will help me see the big picture just a little better.