Somewhere in between what is real and just a dream.

I cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I dont want to run away from this
I know that I just dont need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
~Life House~


This song is my life right now. I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream...

What I've realized though. Is that love is the very foundation of each human being. If a person does not feel loved, that comes with many other feelings. Feelings of inadequacy, defectiveness, bitterness, and envy for those who have gotten past it all.

I think more than anything... we need to love our fellow humans. We need to avoid the petty arguments. If we all focussed on the love that we have for eachother rather than focussing on the person and the things they do that annoy us or anger us. If we just loved eachother. If we didn't worry about what they are doing in their lives that are ultimately going to destroy them, if we just loved them, they wouldn't turn out bad, they wouldn't make the mistakes they make. Why I think that you might ask. Well.. I think people make mistakes because they are constantly either looking for approval, love, or acceptance. We all want to be part of the popular crowd. Or should i say... we all want to have people who love us.. and only us... people who care, people who phone us whenever they need to talk, we all want to be depended on. It makes us feel good to have a mutual dependent friend. Why do you think people become couples, because they need to give of themselves to another person, and it's so much better if that person is your forever best friend.

I've been really lonely lately... really bitter, and really angry. I feel alone and like there is no way out of the tunnel. More than anything... more than food, more than money, more than anything. I want to have a friend who wants to know what is going on in my life. I want a friend who is going to call me just to tell me that her puppy is finally potty trained or her baby just got his first tooth. I want a best friend who actually tells me something other than "good" when I ask them how they are doing. I want to have conversations. I am so tired of idle chit chat, so tired of pretending that I have real deep relationships with people.

I want a man who will come home from work, and call me right away, just to tell me how his day was, and to see how mine was. I want a mutual co-dependent /independent relationship. I want someone to love me and cherish me in a way that no other person on this earth would. I want someone to think that I'm worth it. I'm worth whatever they have to lose to get me. And I want to find someone who is that worth it to me. That i would give up everything just to be with them.

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe there is no way on this earth that I will ever find a friend or a husband like this, maybe it's impossible, but I'd like to believe it isn't... that somewhere out there... there is something more to life than idle chitchat, something more than mindless flirting. There is something more. And one day... I will find myself living my dream.