The little things

So often I feel like I'm completely wrapped up in myself, like my whole world revolves around me. I feel insensitive, hurtful, arrogant, and many other things I cannot find the words for right now. But the point is, I don't want to be that person. I want to be sensitive to those around me, I want to reach out to them, I want to love them, I want to not feel awkward when someone who does not quite have the same type of life as we talks with me, I want to be able to share with them, to somehow reach them.

So often I am unable to do this, and so often I feel like a heel. Like i've just stomped them and left them on the curb. That might sound harsh, but if someone comes to you, and wants to talk, yeah maybe they are talking bullshit, but don't they deserve my time, don't they deserve to be listened to. We don't know why that person always has the same problems, we're not sure what they're background is, we don't know unless we take the time to listen to them. Today I was speaking with a lady about her 17 year old son who isn't graduated, and who right now, doesn't have a job, because he's not into labour positions which is really the only thing a 17 year old high school dropout can get for a job, and the kid wants to be a computer tech or something. I found it hard to connect with his mother, I listened, and shared a few things with her, but they were nothing of importance, just idle chit chat.

And maybe that's the thing, maybe idle chit chat is what people need, maybe they don't want someone to fix their problems, maybe they don't want someone to always share something that has a moral or a theory to it, maybe the point is just to let them know that they are heard, let them voice their opinions and thoughts. I don't know. Maybe that's it.

Maybe there is something I need to learn in this, and it is not always that you have to reach a person in a way that you can see it, but maybe that I'm reaching people in ways I can't see. I'm not sure, but I'm gonna make an effort to give all people the time of day, to listen, to acknowledge, and to be empathetic to their situation. But stay out of it. I want to make time for those people who quite often I don't make time for. If a lady is cranky at the grocery till, I'll smile and say thank-you rather than being sassy. If someone wants to talk, I'm not gonna brush it off until they go away, I'm gonna do my best to make people feel better about themselves, to brighten their day in small ways. Instead of showing my sarcasm when my family does something stupid, I'm gonna try really hard, to just smile and accept them for who they are.