Thoughts and Occasions

The New Year has been so great so far. It started off with a great party at the uncle Don & Auntie Louise's. Which is always a good start to a new year. Then the next weekend my friend Jamie came from Edmonton to visit me. It is always fun to have Jamie around, And I so appreciated her visit. We did many things while she was here. We went out for lunch, took a long walk, and even hung out with the girls! It was so nice.

I have also started attending our college & Careers bible study. It was a great experience, and I think I will continue to go. I am definitely looking forward to going back.

Jamie just being Jamie

That girl can eat more than I ever could!

Pondering whether or not she should admit me into the extendicare

Jamie & Joelle at Girl's night!

Meg & Kittles.. Ain't he so cute??

As for life, lately I've been pondering a few things. Who I want to be, what I want to be known for, and the over all type of person that I want to portray. Many people say... "Just be yourself, and yourself is good enough." But in a lot of ways I don't believe that. I have some bad habits, like getting pissy over stupid stuff, freaking out for no reason (making a big deal when unnecessary), and laziness. All things I hope to change about myself, but that are parts of me... which make it very hard to retrain my self to no longer do those things.

Change is one of the hardest things. We all know our faults, some of us choose to not care, which sometimes is a fault in itself, some of us choose to work on our faults, but never really succeed, and some of us actually change. What it is that actually separates these different catagories, that's where I'm unsure.

For instance, it's much easier for myself to continue in my bad habit of freaking out for no reason, lots of other people do it, but would you want to be friends with someone who takes one negative thing and holds it forever?? Or turns a small negative situation into a large negative situation. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but I truly don't think I would want to be friends with me. Right now the way I am.

Maybe a lot of my problem is that I don't fully know myself as a separate entity, away from work, church, friends, and family?? I think I need to continue on my journey of understanding myself, realizing why I do certain things and why I act in a certain way and only then I can change it.

I don't want to be a mother who is lazy, who won't go tobogganing, fishing, or hiking with her kids just because it's so much "EASIER" to sit on the couch. I don't want to be the parent who screams and yells at her kids all the time, because she thinks that's the only way they will listen. (so untrue). I don't want to be the naggy wife, the one who freaks out just cause her husband wasn't home on time, or something else to that effect. I want to be a wife, a mother, who loves her family, and who doesn't do stupid stuff that will ultimately push them away. I want to respect them, and to deserve their respect. And if I don't change now, I'm never gonna change. So for now... that's what I'm workin' on.

And I think that will not only make me a better wife and mother in the future, but it will make me a better friend, daughter, and family member in the present.